The Codex Nefarious

George Costanza Logic

2008-07-09T10:31:00.003-04:00

"If every instinct you have is wrong, than the opposite would have to be right" - Jerry Seinfeld.

I am going to try this. I will report back with my findings.

George Michael(Gay 80's Pop Star) Vs In Flames(Melodic Death Metal)

2008-06-13T10:46:00.002-04:00

So, I was in Best Buy the other day, and was checking out the music section. At the end of the day, I had two CDs in my hands. One was Georger Michael's "25" a greatest hits compilation, in the other, was "The Mirror's Truth", the new album from In Flames. I wound up purchasing the George Michael CD. In Flames just sucks balls now. It's amazing how bands that were so good could fall so far. Yes, a metal band was beaten out by a pop star. Terrible.

Yanks Split Series At Home With Royals

2008-06-10T12:57:00.004-04:00

The Royals didn't even need the guy above. Just Jose Guillen(or was it Carlos?). The Royals were on a horrendous losing streak, came to the stadium and took 2. It could have easily have been 3 if not for an improbable comeback. So, this is what the 2008 Yankees are, a team that struggled to split a home series against one of the worst teams in the league.

Also, Ed Montague can go somewhere and die. He blew not one but two calls this series, one of which was the worst call I have seen in baseball after watching it for 25+ years.

Chef Gordon Ramsay Vs The Local Burger King

2008-06-09T15:39:00.004-04:00

I would LOVE for this to happen. Every time I go to it, they ALWAYS FUCK UP some aspect of the order. No ketchup, no sauce, missing items, wrong items. Is it SO HARD to get a 4 item order correct? Last time out, I ordered a value menu item and some other things. Before I drove away I decided to check the bag, and it was a good thing I did. They FORGOT the item from the value order I placed. The place is filled with retards. So, I would love for this guy to pay a visit. I can see it now:

"You mixed the fries with the onion rings you JACKASS!"
"You forgot the napkins, DONKEY!"
"IT'S BURNT! You DUMBASS! SHUT IT DOWN!"

You Drew A Cartoon, Therefore I Will Kill You

2008-06-04T11:54:00.004-04:00

Amazing, absolutely amazing. Who knew drawing a picture of someone's imaginary friend could incite them to kill you. Usually, I would say "to each his own", it's not my business what some dumbass wants to believe. I would usually just snicker behind their backs for being so stupid, but it appears that if say or draw something wrong and you might get your head chopped off.

Religion of peace my ass.

The Old Chinese Man and the Bells..

2008-06-03T10:08:00.003-04:00

We have this old Chinese man here, and he has this problem with staring at the young girls who work in the office. This really pisses us off but we came up with the idea to ring a bell every time he looked at one of the girls. So while doing his work, he kept looking at one of the girls every few seconds, and he didn't seem to notice that every few seconds bells were going off. Maybe he did notice and didn't care. One thing for sure is, he annoys me and I want to punch him whenever he stares at one of them.

OMG, he's human!?!?

2008-04-25T10:47:00.005-04:00

Joba took his first loss last night to the White Sox. I say the Yankees either demote him to AAA or release him.

I used to be a good hitter back in my day. One year, I found that I couldn't hit as good, and I though it was that the pitching was getting better. It turned out, my eyesight was going.

I now wear contacts, and just once I would like to see what it's like to face a major league pitcher like Joba Chamberlain. A 100MPH fastball and a disappearing slider? SIGN ME UP!

Giuseppe Franco Sucks

2008-04-25T10:12:00.008-04:00

I am a big Yankee fan and watch most games on the YES network. Without fail, this little shit's commerical will ALWAYS be on between innings. This commercial is so damn annoying and it is ALWAYS ON. This guy needs to just go away. Dude, be content with selling idiots $500 hair cuts. Anyways, let's get down to some of the reasons this commercial sucks so bad.

First, look at this guy:

Next, why would you buy something from anyone who admits to knowing Gary Busey?

Then there are the dicks in the commercial. Check this guy out:

This guy has much bigger problems than thinning hair. How about the fact that he looks like a complete fucking goober who fails at life?

Please YES network, make Giuseppe go away.

One final note - as a co-worker pointed out, the fine print at the end of the commercial states "this product is not intended to grow hair".

"I'm not putting my name on the line for something that doesn't work!"

Sure Giuseppe, whatever...

Shock Collars

2008-03-17T14:43:00.002-04:00

I am going to make a suggestion to my manager in my review. THESE NEED TO BE IMPLEMENTED HERE. They are too many people in my office that walk around, do little work, and all around suck. I want to program these to go off if: 1)they leave their desk for more than 2 minutes or 2)they come within 3 feet of mine.

It needs to happen

$5,000 an hour

2008-03-14T15:51:00.002-04:00

Ok, she's pretty hot, nice rack, probably dumb as a stone. But for that price? NO.

Oh yeah, her "broken home" was a mansion. I guess we can file her fucking strangers for money under "my daddy didn't love me enough"

Beware the Ides of March, Client #9!

2008-03-14T15:33:00.002-04:00

Ok, so it didn't all come down on the 15th, but I am LOVING what has happened. The "$#$@ing Steamroller" has himself been steamrolled. I simply love when hypocrites get burned. $5,000 an hour for a girl that is only 4 years older than his daughter, awesome. The only tragedy is that both these losers with probably make more money from this than I will make this year. Btw, that girls "music" was atrocious, terribad, awful. The fact people were requesting it makes me want to kill.

I've got the hunger for Michael Munger!

2007-12-10T10:58:00.000-05:00

OK, so he the libertarian candidate running in NC and I live in NY, but how could you NOT vote for someone who looks like this?

An epiphany - I literally watched paint dry yesterday

2007-12-07T11:53:00.000-05:00

So, our office needs a little retouching, and they were testing different colors on the walls in the office before making the final decision. Since there is no work in yet and some of the office were out on business trips/vacation, some co-workers and I walked around to look at the fresh paint.

"Wow, look at that color, kind of ugly"
"It's not even dry yet, it will change when it is"

As we stood and looked for a few minutes, it hit me. I was standing there, at work, watching paint dry. ACTUALLY WATCHING PAINT DRY.

Please, for the love of God, let something happen at my building. A hostage crisis, fire, Kool-Aid guy crashing through the wall. SOMETHING, ANYTHING, this is TORTURE!

Surf's up, Bra!

2007-11-29T16:44:00.000-05:00

I am starring in a new reality TV show!!!

2007-11-13T13:36:00.001-05:00

Yep. It's true. I am now starring in my own TV show. Actually, I have been on it for a while now from what I can tell. I'll call it the "Carlo Monte Show"(it doesn't have a title yet). I don't remember signing a contract or waiver for this show but maybe I was drunk or something when that happened? I also don't see any cameras or crew, but they are probably hidden really really well. It also seems there is no promotion for the show, so I have to promote it myself here on myspace. Anyway, the basic premise is constantly annoy me with some wacky situations to see if I can keep my cool. I am sure to everyone watching it's a laugh riot. Some of the funny highlights of season one include:

- I'm hungry! Let's go to a drive-thru! Watch the hilarity ensue when someone pulls right in front of me at the drive-thru window and takes forever to order because they do not know what they want and need to look over the menu, even though most of the menus have not changed since dinosaurs roamed the Earth. LOL! Will I just park the car and go in or will I ram the person's car? TUNE IN AND FIND OUT!

- I need to pick something up at the store! Damn, someone just beat me and my one item to the counter! Their bill is $5. Here comes the coupons! Here comes the credit card and/or checkbook! LMAO! Will I take their stuff and throw it on the floor while cutting the line or will I wait patiently and curse myself? TUNE IN AND FIND OUT!

- I used to park for free, but the Stop and Shop manager has now decided to take back the parking lot! Now I have to pay for parking which will cost me an extra $75 a month. Damn! Another person beat me to the "I feel like working about 65% of the time" parking machine! It's high comedy when they cannot insert the dollars correctly or want to pay for 12 hours of parking with nickels. Will I go into Stop and Shop and snap kick the new manager in the throat? Will I give the nickel person a UFC-style chokeout? TUNE IN AND FIND OUT!

- Damn, traffic on the I-95 again! Luckily, I start on the service road. Oh, everyone gets off the highway onto the service road to beat the traffic! Wait, now there's traffic on the highway and the service road! It's OK because I have a secret way to go to work even though it sucks that it's only one lane. What's this? A senior citizen has gotten in front of me! Wow, such a safe diver. He likes to go 20MPH slower than the posted speed limit. God bless him. Will I attempt to pass him and risk a head on collision or will I just follow him and catch up on some sleep. TUNE IN AND FIND OUT!

Some may call it a knock-off of MTV's "Boiling Points" but that's not true because I never win any money on this show, which sucks. There IS the possibility that everything that happens to me is bad luck/divine mandate, but that is just pure lunacy if you ask me. I'm a strong believer in the whole reality TV thing.

PS

Just wait until Season 2! It will even better as it follows all of the crazy happenings of my nightlife and some of the kooky characters I have come to know and love!

Like a zombie he rises...

2007-11-13T13:28:00.000-05:00

Time to update again...

When You Party

2007-08-20T16:48:00.000-04:00

PARTY HARD!

WTF Volume 1

2007-08-20T16:41:00.000-04:00

Can you explain this?

Old People Need Their Licenses Revoked!

2007-08-15T11:14:00.000-04:00

I was trapped behind an old man on a one lane road. He was riding his brake the WHOLE way even though there was nothing in front of him. Grandpa - take the handicapped parking placard, shove it up your ass, and get the fuck outta my way!!!!

World Of Warcraft Level Cap Raised To 80 In The Next Expansion!

2007-08-08T13:53:00.000-04:00

Nerds everywhere rejoice! People like me who have a life outside the game aren't as thrilled.

Kyle Farnsworthless, You Suck

2007-08-02T16:38:00.000-04:00

Seriously, get this scrub off the team. As I type this he has given up two home runs vs the White Sox, effectively putting the game out of reach.

Oh my goodness gracious

2007-07-25T14:47:00.000-04:00

Seriously, the Yankees can't get ANYONE better than this imbecile? How does a commentator have a voice that sounds like a dying cat?

HOW DOES ONE OF THE MOST RECOGNIZABLE SPORTS FRANCHISES GET STUCK WITH A COMMENTATOR LIKE THIS?!?!

http://rogerisback.ytmnd.com/

Hello, is this thing on?

2007-07-25T11:02:00.000-04:00

OMG I just started to learn to use the Internets and I'm so excited(and I just can't hide it).